What Hurts the Most
by His Lil' Half-Blood Princess
Summary: What hurts the most was loving you but not telling you. A Severus Snape fic.


**What Hurts The Most**

_I put my iPod on shuffle last night when I was going to sleep and this one popped up. I listened to it over and over again and then, THIS came!_

_I don't own HP, it belongs to JKR and WB. I don't own What Hurts The Most, it belongs to Rascal Flats (though I own a copy of the Cascada remix, which is way better)._

$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house._

_That don't bother me._

_I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out._

_I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though going on with you gone_

_Still upsets me._

_There are days every now and again I pretend_

_I'm okay,_

_But that's not what gets me._

$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#

I look at my calendar on the wall. October 31st.

1 year ago today, I lost you, Lily.

1 year ago today, my world shattered into a thousand pieces.

And it's all my fault.

Perhaps, if it had been the fault of another, it wouldn't be so painful now. There would still be pain and sadness and anger. But the anger wouldn't be towards myself. It would be directed towards another.

I can deal with the pain though. Most of the time.

When I feel alone, knowing you're not here any more, I feel pain. But I can take it.

When people talk about you in front of me. When they speak of you and give me looks. When they make me feel guilt, I feel pain. But I can deal with it.

I think about what I did, and I feel remorse for my actions. I feel agony.

But when I think about what I didn't do... That's when it becomes extreme.

$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#

_What hurts the most_

_Was being so close_

_And having so much to say_

_Watching you walk away_

_Never knowing_

_What could've been_

_Not seeing that loving you_

_Is what I was trying to do._

$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#

If I had only told you how much I love you, things may have been different.

Would you have admitted you felt the same for me?

Would you say you only felt friendship towards me?

Would you have run in the opposite direction?

Things could have been so much different. Instead of being dead, you could still be alive. Instead of being a Death Eater, maybe I wouldn't have turned that way.

I wish you could have seen that I loved you. Because I did. I always have. I do now. I always will. That will never go away.

My love for you is like a flame inside my heart, a flame that no one can blow out. No one can take the love I have for you away from me.

I will never love another the way I love you.

Because you are truly irreplacable.

And whenever I think of this things, I start to cry. Because I never got to tell you...

$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#

_It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go_

_But I'm doing it._

_It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone._

_Still hard_

$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#

I see those people all the time. People we grew up with. People who loved you. People who knew you.

Years ago, when we would sit in a room, it would be happy, because you were there. The air was always light.

But now, it is as though there is something missing. A piece gone from the puzzle. Your absence is still felt, even after all of these years.

I try to ignore it. But I can't. No one can.

I deal with the pain. I set a goal for myself everyday to not think of you. To keep the pain inside. I'm doing my best.

But every night, in the solitude of my bedroom, I begin to cry. Because I just can't help it.

I see all those people so often. People you loved. People who loved you back. People who you laughed with, cried with, and talked to.

They're in pain too.

But not the way I am.

I don't call what I feel pain, Lily.

I call it agony_._

$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#

_Never knowing_

_What could've been_

_And not seeing that loving you_

_Is what I was trying to do._

$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#!$#


End file.
